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Growth Vs. Fixed

The first mindset that will help create an advocate view rather than a victim view is a growth mindset (as opposed to a fixed mindset). This concept comes from the brilliance of Carol Dweck and her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. With a fixed mindset, we often avoid challenges, give up easily, see no point in making an effort, ignore useful feedback (especially when it's negative) and feel threatened by other people's success. With a growth mindset, there's a desire to learn. We embrace challenges as opportunities, persevere through setbacks, view effort as the key to success, seek out constructive criticism and feel inspired by the success of others.

Abundance Vs. Scarcity

This mindset is similar to optimism vs. pessimism or positive vs. negative. A mindset of abundance comes from a place of love, whereas a mindset of scarcity comes from a place of fear. If you have a mindset of abundance, you see limitless possibilities in life and can see the positive side of any situation and focus on what is working well. With a scarcity mindset, there is a focus on the negative aspects of life, being a victim to whatever happens, and a view that there is never enough time, money, resources, friendships, etc.

Learning Vs. Judging

A mindset of asking and listening (compared to knowing and telling) is a mindset of learning. It’s a mind that is open to others’ perspectives. In her book, Change Your Questions Change Your Life, Marilee Adams describes how "Question Thinking" can transform your life and leadership. By choosing to ask and learn rather than immediately judge a situation or person, we can achieve amazing results. We all tend to have a group of saboteurs in our patterns of thought, the master of which is "The Judge." We can quickly jump to judgment; however, even if we do, we can catch ourselves and choose a learning path instead.

As you can see, these mindset comparisons converge and overlap, and the important thing is to consider exactly how to shift your mindset from one to the other. Here are two techniques to help you do just that.

Notice Your Thoughts

The first step is to pay attention to your thinking. We tend to live through each day on autopilot, reacting to people and situations automatically. Noticing exactly what we are thinking about in any given moment is a huge step toward choosing a different mindset. Start practicing this by noticing where your thoughts are when you are listening to someone else. Where are you placing your attention? Is it on what they are saying and what they mean, or are you just thinking about what to say next? By noticing your own thoughts, you have taken a huge step into greater self-awareness that than gives you the ability to choose your response. It allows you to interject and prevent your automatic response from running the show. It gives you a second or two to realize that you might have a different option.

Change Your Beliefs

To some extent we are hard-wired by our long-standing belief systems; however, we can rewire ourselves. Neuroscience has proven this. Our thought patterns are driven by our underlying beliefs, biases and assumptions that we have held onto tightly since childhood, as they kept us safe. There are several methods that guide you through a process of revealing these underlying (and often limiting) beliefs and replacing them with more effective thoughts. I'll share two here. The first method is called "The Work" by Byron Katie, and it's a method of inquiry using a series of questions. The second method comes in the form of a book, In Touch by John Prendergast. It's a meditative approach to revealing, diminishing and unhooking from a limiting belief.

Establishing the right mindset is not necessarily quick and easy, but the important thing to know is that you can change your beliefs. Either on your own or with the help of a coach (or counselor), you can be guided through a process that shines a light on the beliefs that create your mindset, allowing you to see them — often for the first time — and let them go or replace them with more productive patterns of thought.